Kids: They Make You Wonder

Law-girl and Drink-boy are getting married one of these days (hint...hint...hint). I think they are smart and accomplished but email like this makes me wonder:

Law-girl and friend attended a conference last weekend. She came home to this scenario.

Drink-boy and his mom, Sherry, were "holding down the fort" (Drink-boy doesn't like to be alone) and doing some painting (Thanks, Sherry).

They locked themselves out of the house.

Drink-boy determined that his 237 pound (but slimming down) body could shimmy up the drainpipe to the open window on the 2nd floor.

At some point he flew off the pipe, landed in the bushes and knocked himself out.

Sitting on the back porch, the next door neighbors witnessed the whole thing in disbelief.

Drink-boy wakes up to his mom and the entire family (teenage kids included) over him.

Once they determined that Drink-boy was okay, next door neighbor lady (Bonnie) said,

"Drink-boy, did you lock yourself out of the house?"

"Yes."

Next door neighbor man (Chris) said,

"You know. You can't climb up the side of your house. You're too old for that, and well, you could die. Let's go get Marshall (his next door neighbor) and borrow his ladder. "

Bonnie added,

"Oh, and you can give your neighbors a key in case you get locked out or if you go on vacation, we can check up on things."

Next door teenage boy continued,

"And I can eat out of your fridge."

Moral of the story: Keep lots of food in your fridge. And discuss safety with your kids. Again.

Always Listen To Your Mama

"Susie, your blogs are good but not as good as your old ones," Mom told me recently.

"That's because I have less time to write them."

I continue, "Do you want the more personal ones again?"

"Yes."

Here goes:

It used to be that most families went through the process of marriage as follows:

Boy meets girl, boy woos girl, girl plays hard-to-get, boy wins girl, boy asks girl's father for girl's hand in marriage, girl's father says okay, boy proposes to girl, girl asks if boy asked father for her hand in marriage, boy says yes, girl says yes, and so on.

Not in my family with our younger child:

Boy and girl meet, they woo each other, neither plays hard-to-get, boy and girl make first purchase with comingled funds, a Roomba, girl suspects boy is going to ask father for girl's hand in marriage and alerts father, boy asks father for hand in marriage, father says okay even though he knows that they'll do as they d--n well please, girl says yes, boy and girl try to make second purchase together, a house.

"Susie, did lawgirl and soda man (not their real names) get the house?" Mom asks.

"No, Mom. I'll let you know when I hear from them."

Next day:

"Susie, did lawgirl and soda man get the house?"

"No, Mom. I will definitely let you know when I hear from them."

Next day:

"Susie, did lawgirl and soda man get the house?"

"No, Mom. I promise to let you know when I hear from them."

Yesterday:

"Guess what, Susie," Mom said, "They got the house!!!"

"Oh. I didn't know that."

My Little Secrets

I've been blogtagged which means that I was asked to reveal 6 things about myself that no one should ever know about me (so if you're reading this, stop now, it might get ugly):

1. I was supposed to be Steven.  Mom really wanted a boy after 2 daughters.  Her famous first words after leaving the delivery room (I can hardly remember--I was very young at the time):

"I should've had a boy!"

2. I've been stuck on a hotel balcony wearing only a towel (and I mean stuck--with the glass door locked behind me and no one around to rescue me).

3. I've jumped from an airplane (Not!).  You're lucky to get me on a plane.

4. I've stopped a moving car.  Now this IS true.  It was rolling in a parking lot (albeit at a turtle pace) and silly me thought to run behind it and stop it.

5. I'm a whodunit fanatic.  I love mysteries (and coincidences, for that matter).

6. Don't ever tell me something can't be done because I regard it as a challenge.

Now it's your turn to share with me (and the entire world) 6 or fewer things nobody knows about you.  Don't worry.  I won't spill the beans!

Happy Birthday, Dad

Hey, Dad, Happy Birthday.

I miss you so much.  I miss your smile.  I miss our philosophical discussions.  I miss your practical sense.  I even miss your teasing and stubborn ways.

You should see your great-grandchildren.  They are the cutest bunch.  H, my sleepover pal,  swims and will be reading in no time.  She still enjoys "blankie and thumb" along with her cereal and whipped cream.  N is a "going concern" running in circles and pumping her left arm when she is excited.  J, the talker and a big Elmo fan,  shows promise as a gourmet cook using unusual ingredients found in the common garden. Strong and sturdy A has football player/scientist tendencies.  At 17 months he opens the fridge, uses his teeth to open food containers, fills his mouth with chunks of fruit and replaces the container.  And infant L is still checking out this world wondering why he left the warmth he was used to for the last 9 months.  

I hope you're loving heaven.  I am certain you are wielding a tennis racket or bowling ball and playing bridge with Mabel and Pat and the rest of your old Hazlet buddies.  Brenda's making you laugh the way she always did.  Dave is probably off fixing something with Danny.  Grandma and Minnie are making knishes for all the kids who made it there before they were finished here and Max M and Max L are teaching them.  And I wouldn't be surprised to find Harry and Eva collecting used wings and such for the Angel thrift store.   

I bet you are having a busier life there than you had here for the last few years. I hope you are happy and safe and know that those you left behind still think about you all the time and love you beyond words.

Tattoos

"Buff lady," "Utah," "Wise One," "Yachtygirl" and I were working out while discussing our kids and tattoos.  

1. One son felt that by the time he would be tired of his naked boyfriend/1 st girlfriend yin/yang tattoo imprinted on his chest, dermatologists would have figured out a way to remove them painlessly (that's an optimist!).  

2. One teenager cut his curly locks into a Mohawk and then shaved his head, a prime target for scalp tattoo devotees.   

3. One relative and her brood got themselves peace dove reminders of a deceased child.  (Now that's sweet)

4. One lady pointed out the rush that getting a tattoo has on some people, so much so that they continue to play the easel to the artist's tools.  

Frankly, even though I dislike Erin's tattoos (birds and a rose), by law she is considered an adult and in charge of her own body.  

Hiding them isn't an option. Warm weather, I've found, lures tattoos to poke their indiscriminate heads out of sun dresses and bathing suits.  

Whatever happened to the good old days when rebellion meant smoking in the high school bathroom or leaving the campus at lunch?  

Just Something Yummy

Lemon curd. Bob wants to know why I bought lemon curd. I don't know why I bought lemon curd but it was calling to me from the shelves, reminding me of Debbie at the gym regaling lemon curd--how useful it is, how you can add it to just about anything and it'll transform the dish into something sensational, almost orgasmic.

So in a weak moment at Trader Joe's, I stood in the lemon curd aisle and contemplated all the ways I could use lemon curd.

I suppose if I were English and fancied teas, I'd have lemon curd as a daily staple with my scones.

Having some Canadian blood it me, it might make some sense I'd at least stop and take a quick look.

I could make yummy lemon bars  or even lemon meringue pie.  I found 81 recipes, more cards than in my whole recipe box, just using lemon curd.

I've even been told it can be eaten au naturel by the spoonful!

Growing Up

My granddaughter's growing up. She got her 3rd tooth yesterday. Granted, it's not #1 or #2. But enough time has passed that this might also be cause for celebration.

Tomorrow they come for dinner. What do you serve someone who has just gotten her 3rd tooth? Not that Nicole doesn't eat plenty now. In record time, she can clear off her tray and then hurl the remainder onto the floor.

I've watched the rhythm of her dining rituals with curiosity. I like the flinging part. Especially because she does it with such ferocity. Boy, that looks like fun! However, the old adage, "there are children starving somewhere," prohibits me from pitching food overboard.

Yet, I think to myself, there are definitely things (and some people) which I wouldn't hesitate to chuck should my conscience abandon me.

For instance, my life would be alot more pleasant without taxes.

I wouldn't mind cooking the bird that destroys my fountain (but I'm afraid the meat would be too tough).

I'd send the person who took my parking space to Siberia.

Maybe I could burn all the mail piling up on my desk in the fireplace I wish I had.

And that policeman who wrote me a ticket for a mere 20 miles over speed limit?

OK, back to dinner. I wonder how Nicole's 3rd tooth could handle some yummy ribs.

Yes, But...or I Just...

Dr. Laura would have a field day with me.

Life is good. My husband is a great guy. My kids are amazing. My grandkids are the best. And they are all healthy (except for this dastardly flu that's going around now).

But as I climb closer to Dr. Laura's decade (the big 6-0), I really want a dog. Next (but a far next), I'd want a painting by Alice Matzkin. I love her art but I can't walk it to the park or cuddle it on the floor like I can a dog.

It doesn't have to be a pretty dog. It doesn't even have to be a puppy. But it does have to be mellow (for Bob) and show some personality (for me).

But there obviously are other issues which get in the way of this dream of mine. And Dr. Laura probably would say, "Get over it."

So I think I'd better settle for a vanilla cake with chocolate frosting.

An American Idol Junkie

I admit it. I'm a boomer junkie.

I am addicted to American Idol and just can't help it. Every Tuesday and Wednesday night I am glued to the television. I await the individual performances and the group Ford commercial.

David Cook is overwhelmingly gifted and has been my favorite from the beginning. The purity of his voice combined with his creative arrangements make him a star already. And he's so darn cute even for someone a fraction of my age.

Brooke is a sweetheart and a great role model. Lovely, sexy, exuberant Syesha was born for Broadway. Humble and bashful David A. is a natural but just too young for the title. Jason's exit is long overdue--he wins some cuteness points with his sparkly eyes but loses them on his laissez-faire demeanor. Carly should have stayed till the end to battle it out with the 2 Davids.

Handling criticism with poise and grace is hard enough--taking it in front of millions of people reveals their courage and character.

I applaud each of them.