Caregiving Suggestions

According to Caring.com's Gilbert Guide, it's better to redirect or validate a person with dementia rather than remind him/her that he/she is demented.

They recommend redirecting the conversation away from the issue to something more pleasant. Be warm and open to reduce stress and tension.

Validate feelings and emotions. "Accept that your loved one's emotions have more validity than the logic that leads to them."

Those with dementia sometimes experience delusions and/or hallucinations. These experiences are vivid and upsetting. Ask simple questions to try to give them some relief.

For more on caregiving, dementia and Alzheimer's Disease, check out 50somethinginfo.com

The Dreaded Conversation

Caregiving is a family affair and should be discussed as a group first out of the presence of the parent. Siblings need to make plans by agreeing on or suggesting a:

1. A durable power of attorney for healthcare

2. One person in charge of financial decisions

How does a worried family member persuade a headstrong parent that moving into a long-term care facility is in their best interest?

The following is some advice I've read:

It's never too early to discuss the possibility of an elderly parent moving into a nursing home or assisted living. Mention your serious concerns about their health and safety.

Ask the parent to indulge you by visiting an assisted living facility (they may be surprised at how nice they can be). Here's how the conversation can go: "I can't make decisions about how you should run your life. It would make me feel better, though, if we could go together to look at some possible assisted living facilities so that you're better informed about what choices are available. Would you be willing to humor me in that way?"

Many places allow week or month long visits to help the parent determine if the facility "feels" right.

However, oftentimes a parent needs to feel vulnerable before they will approach the subject. They might fall, feel spooked, or are unable to deal with household duties.

If or when that happens, you can have a strategy in place.

A Must-Have Respite Care Website

Get the help when you need it.

Respite is a service in which temporary care is provided for an adult with disabilities or with chronic or terminal illnesses.  It can occur in or out of the home for any length of time, depending on the needs of the family and available resources.  

Some states require licensing for respite providers so be vigilante about doing background and qualification checks.  Don't assume that companies or agencies, even, have done them.  Here is a quick checklist to use when considering a provider:

1. Telephone screening and interview

2. Ask for references and check them, especially criminal background

3. Conduct a personal interview

4. Evaluate costs and financing

5. Write a contract that provides specific details

Find and keep good respite providers because you need a break!

You can easily search the National Respite Locator Service simply by specifying your state or province, age of the person required care and the kind of care needed.  For instance, you may check up to 3 of the following conditions:  dementia, chronic illness or stroke, frailty, hearing or visual impairments, physical disabilities, etc.

Also, you may want to take advantage of the National Adult Day Service Association's Directory.

Genworth's 2009 Cost of (Long-Term) Care lets you compare costs in your state or region with other areas.

Should you want even more information,  see 50somethinginfo.com.