I Don't Want to Slight Chocolate

The one thing I have in common with former President Ronald Reagan is that I, too, love jelly beans.

Every time I go to my local supermarket I am faced with a serious decision--do I or don't I attempt to walk down the jelly bean aisle because if I do, then my next dilemma is how much of each flavor do I scoop into my little plastic bag. Should I give in to my fetish, I can't wait to pop those tasty little artificial berries into my mouth. I vigilantly observe the grocery checker to determine where he put my stash.

Let's go back a few steps. There I am facing 25 different containers of jelly beans from bubble gum to pina colada to root beer. I'm overwhelmed with the variety. I'm grateful there aren't any See's Candies close by to distract me further.

Like my predicament with jelly beans I sometimes think I am faced with too many options. Wouldn't life be easier with only a half-dozen choices? Maybe cherry, orange, cinnamon, lemon, grape, and lime?

Now more than ever, complications go hand-in-hand with our choices, especially when you add the computer and internet into the equation.

Enormous amounts of information are out there in Cyberland. Maybe it's just too much for any one of us to handle. When I enter a term into the Google search box, I am bombarded with pages and pages of sites. My simple question retrieves anything and everything remotely related. Wouldn't it be nice if there were someone who could read my mind and unearth my answer without any detours?

Don't despair, 50+ers. Help is just around the corner.

Eulogizing a Shirt: Improving Your Life

When I first met him last week, he described himself as previously socially inept. Now I was listening to him speak both eloquently and humorously of his old friend.

Not many people can eulogize a former shirt as capably as Colin. I was figuratively present at several events marked (literally) on the fabric. I envisioned him sharing his favorite lobster bisque with the shirt. I imagined this English gentleman deftly sipping his wine but missing his mouth as he chatted with the pretty girl at his side. I could picture his wife as judge, jury, and executioner of his adored piece of nostalgia.

Seeing his comrade not only tossed away unceremoniously but also being driven away in a thrift shop van must have made him choke up some. I could feel his emptiness upon detecting the gross absence in his closet.

Colin may have had trouble communicating before. But certainly not now.

He enrolled in Toastmasters. And it wouldn't surprise me if he availed himself of adult education classes. Or participated in some volunteer organizations. But you can be certain that whatever he is doing, its side effect is promoting better health, and giving him confidence and better self-esteem which he was so eager to acquire not that long ago.

Bravo, Colin.

Mama Knows Best: Clothes for the Older Woman

Mom says I'm in the wrong business.

Mom: Do you realize how hard it is for women my age to buy clothes? When will a good designer produce clothes which have 3/4 length sleeves, fullness around the middle, and a round neckline? We don't want trendy. We want simplicity, comfort, and good fabrics.

Me: But Mom, what do you want me to do about it?

Mom: Become a clothing manufacturer. Cater to seniors. They'll flock to your stores.

Me: Yeah, Mom, I could do that...provided I have a couple of million bucks, some knowledge of the clothing business, plus a lot of chutzpah (defined by Wikipedia as "the quality of audacity, for good or for bad"), all of which I'm sorely lacking. But, Mom, I can supply people with links to websites which might help out. Would that make you happy?

Mom: Give it a try. I'll let you know.

Here goes...

If this works, you have my mom to thank. If this stinks, blame it on me. Either way, I'd like to hear from you.

The NY Times agrees that older women are harder to dress.

I've watched enough of those what to wear and not to wear shows that I know that a good bra-fit is essential.

When in doubt, ask an expert.

Or study wardrobe videos for the baby boomer.

Lola and Gigi will help you request the right size from different designers.

For reasonable prices, check out J.C. Penneys,, Macy's, and Chicos.

But I think you're best bet is to find a style (and pattern) that looks good on you and have the clothes made to fit. Spend more on fewer items.  Check out different fabrics (maybe you can find them on sale!).   Adorn or accessorize your clothes differently. And should you be able to sew (good for you!) but have vision difficulties, there's help for you.

Cats Do the Darnedst Things

I'm not really a cat person. It goes with my thinking...if you really love dogs (I do), you can't really love cats. Or if you really love ice cream (I do), you can't also love frozen yogurt.

But once I viewed this video . . .

. . . I may consider a feline roomie.

Cousin Andrea and I used to spend precious time arguing whether her cats or my dog was the more intelligent. I'd call her apartment, get her voicemail, and claim that I was certain her cats could hear my message but were so intellectually-challenged, they couldn't even pick up the phone and say something. Even if they were smart enough to answer the phone but ignored me, then they were obviously ill-mannered.

The truth is:
I don't like animals around which are smarter than I.

Take the neighborhood crow, for instance. I have not liked crows ever since I saw Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds." But just so long as they stay out of my way, I can put up with them. This crow, however, found my pristine fountain (in a city full of fountains) and he likes to wash his food in it. Everyday I find myself fishing soaked bread crumbs out of the upper trough.

Yesterday I spotted the bird landing on the fountain. I called out to Bob to scare him away. Unfortunately, Bob isn't very threatening.

So I've devised a plan to mount a fake owl or some shiny strips of paper (maybe even a scarecrow) on the fountain. But deep down I know who's going to win.

And it's humiliating.

I'll stick with a dog.

Ebay to the Rescue: Ladies Clothes at Great Prices

Omigosh. I forgot about ebay.

A week or so ago I purchased a great but pricey dress at Nordstrom's, one that would get me through 3 weddings (and possibly a funeral!), two on the coasts and the last in the middle. It's one of those dresses which can be suitable for a lot of occasions depending on the way it's accessorized.

Granted I enjoy clothes like most ladies. But my itty bitty closet doesn't allow for much. So I have to be selective.

I don't often buy dresses (period) but when I do, I rarely exceed a reasonable pricetag. This one, however, was more than my usual budget for a couple of months.

I tried to justify the expense (for at least 2 1/2 minutes) and then thought...Ebay! Could I duplicate the dress at a discount?

I entered the designer name and my size. Voila. There it was at half the price. The dress still had its tags. The seller had received almost 100% positive response. The bidding was in progress and I was determined to get it.

Bob reviewed ebay dynamics with me. I waited by the computer until the last moment and plugged in my bid. "You have won the item" felt like nirvana to me.

Now for shoes. Pretty doesn't work for someone who has bunions...but I wanted to give it my best try.

I went back to Nordy's, returned the dress, and checked out the shoe department. The perfect shoes (good-looking and comfortable) beckoned me and since I had the cash burning a hole in my pocket, I purchased them on the spot.

Not an exciting story. Kind of boring, I suppose. But I shall live happily until after the weddings.

Pay Attention to Your Roots: Save Your Teeth

Dental care can be a serious issue for 50+.

For appearances sake, bad teeth can age you. Overlooking your teeth can cause gum disease. And long-term neglect puts you on a path to losing all your teeth.

It's important to brush right and at least twice a day, after breakfast and before bedtime. Floss correctly and rinse with a fluoride mouthwash just before you go to bed.

Going to the dentist is just about the last thing any of us want to do. But there are ways to make it more bearable. Practicing relaxation techniques, asking for more pain relief, or signaling to the dentist when you need a time-out may help. Some of the newer dental equipment can reduce the time of the procedure.

Teeth can last forever.

Find a good dentist.

Growing Up

My granddaughter's growing up. She got her 3rd tooth yesterday. Granted, it's not #1 or #2. But enough time has passed that this might also be cause for celebration.

Tomorrow they come for dinner. What do you serve someone who has just gotten her 3rd tooth? Not that Nicole doesn't eat plenty now. In record time, she can clear off her tray and then hurl the remainder onto the floor.

I've watched the rhythm of her dining rituals with curiosity. I like the flinging part. Especially because she does it with such ferocity. Boy, that looks like fun! However, the old adage, "there are children starving somewhere," prohibits me from pitching food overboard.

Yet, I think to myself, there are definitely things (and some people) which I wouldn't hesitate to chuck should my conscience abandon me.

For instance, my life would be alot more pleasant without taxes.

I wouldn't mind cooking the bird that destroys my fountain (but I'm afraid the meat would be too tough).

I'd send the person who took my parking space to Siberia.

Maybe I could burn all the mail piling up on my desk in the fireplace I wish I had.

And that policeman who wrote me a ticket for a mere 20 miles over speed limit?

OK, back to dinner. I wonder how Nicole's 3rd tooth could handle some yummy ribs.