Senior Housing Options, A Real Puzzle

What's the difference between Assisted Living Facility, Independent Living, Adult Day Care, Adult Foster Care, Congregate Housing, Continuing Care Retirement Communities, Life Care Communities, Nursing Homes or Facilities, Residential Care, Respite Care, Senior Apartments, Senior Housing, Personal Care Facility, and Skilled Nursing Facility?   

Some are different names for the same thing.  Some are poles apart in the level of care.

You're not alone if  senior housing options and the vocabulary that accompanies them make you want to jump off a bridge.   

Check out The Senior Living Guide.  What definitions are lacking there , you can find in The Senior Housing Net.  This excellent link:

1. Helps to evaluate your needs in terms of mobility, nutrition, hygiene, housekeeping, dressing, toileting, medications, mental status and behavioral status,  

2. Provides you with appropriate housing options, including services, costs, regulations, payment options, and level of care,

4. Supplies helpful checklists to evaluate each housing option, 

3. Finds the right community depending on your city and state.

Don't fret.  Help is only a mouse-click away. 

Estate Planning As A Gift To Your Children

Thanks, Mom, for painstakingly sorting through your stuff before I have to.  Thanks for having the foresight to give away things while you are present in our lives and can witness how your children and grandchildren use precious family heirlooms.  

I know this process doesn't happen without consequences.  How you want your things distributed might be radically different from the way your offspring thinks (feelings might get hurt; jealousy or envy might surface).  It takes stamina and guts to divide your belongings the way you want and I applaud the manner with which you handled it all with dignity and grace.  

Too often children are left with the enormous job of  cleaning up the home after parents die. Coupled with shock and grief, sons and daughters are saddled with the additional burden of putting financial affairs in order and disposing of real and personal estate. 

Aging parents who clean up their affairs and  who clarify how and where they want their personal items distributed--eliminating some of the emotional toll on their children--epitomize one way to prove their love.  

  

Moving Into a Retirement Community

Mom didn't have to say anything about selling her home of 40 years and moving into a retirement community.  She didn't have to say anything because everything was written on her face.   Having family closeby quieted some of her fears but losing most things familiar--your home, your friends, your hang-outs, your doctors, and facing the last stage of your life wreaks havoc with emotions.   

For four nights Mom and Auntie Peggy sampled a very different kind of living, vastly different from their primarily solitary unscheduled routines.  The reality that this was not their usual vacation but a major life change sobered their outlook.  More than ever, they scrutinized the living accommodations (tiny), the food (good but not great), and the people (very, very nice).

I, too, was anxious about the visit.  I pondered what I could do to make the imminent transition as painless as possible.  Here's what I did:

1. I planned dinner and tea with my friends and acquaintances and their resident mothers both on and off site.

2. I put lots of snacks into the refrigerator (it's no good contemplating a move on an empty stomach!).

3. I requested that the administration display my invitation to all residents that Mom (her sister-in-law, daughter, grandson, wife, and 2 great-granddaughters) would like to meet them on Saturday at 3:00 p.m. at the pool.  Refreshments would be provided (by me).  I also indicated that Mom liked to play bridge and pan, bowl, and that she could drive.

Knowing that some events conflicted, I prepared Mom for small if any attendance.   But I was surprised and pleased to find  8-10 men and women who attended.  These people, I suspect, will become her core of new friends as she adjusts to a new life.  

  

Surviving Colon Cancer

My cousin Eve began her last round of chemo.  In spite of the neuropathy and other bothersome side effects, her spirits were high.  Her twin daughters just turned 5.  

Then she read about Tony Snow who died from a relapse of colon cancer.  

In all her efforts to fight her cancer including acupuncture, natural medicine, mental healing, and just keeping occupied with everyday life, Eve avoided the one constant fear among survivors: The enemy can and often does slyly and maliciously creep back into your life without notice.

"I hear from many survivors that eventually this all-consuming worry lessens and isn't a part of your daily existence.  Some people have told me that they now go weeks--even months--without thinking about cancer.  That's hard to imagine now but I look forward to that day."

Swimming For Juniors and Seniors

You're with your grandchild.  Right or wrong, you want to influence his/her life in a positive direction, maybe help out your kids fill in the areas they don't have time for.

So you spend time (lots of it) with the young 'un.  Haley loves the pool.  She doesn't necessarily want to learn to use her arms and legs properly.  She just wants to have fun.  

In order to earn her wages, the instructor wants to make Haley water-safe--no more relying on the floaties or other swimming aids.   She urges Haley to dunk her face, float, and coordinate all her movements into a lose definition of swimming.

I want more.  You see, my mom made sure I had an excellent swimming teacher, Mr. Green. During the year he taught public school.  In the summer he taught dog-paddlers how to make handstrokes and kicking meld into perfect swimming form.  

I don't remember if I gave the teacher any flak.  All I do remember is that my form is perfect to this day.

So what if Haley doesn't like the teacher?  What if she "fires" her?  What if she makes mom's life pure hell if she doesn't cancel the lessons?

Some things are just too bad.  Some things kids just gotta do choice or no choice.  Sometimes enticements help ("Well, if you do well, we'll ______") and then sometimes it's "Sorry, honey, I know you don't want to do this" and then insist on compliance.

We're talking safety, we're talking tenacity, we're talking getting past the fear, we're talking putting in the effort, we're talking facing failure, and we're talking real life.  And in the end, they'll thank you for it. 

 

Financial Planning for Boomers and Seniors

Bob dropped the article onto my desk chair while I was off doing something else.  This is his nonverbal pattern of telling me that my readers might want to learn about the particular content.

He's right, of course...sometimes more often than I care to admit!

According to the article, the University of Pennsylvania offers an extensive directory of finance and investment websites for market analysis, bonds, corporate financials, mutual funds, and numerous other investment topics.  

Take the link from"Personal Finance Websites. " AARP's "Financial Planning and Retirement" is divided into subsections:  Creating a Plan, Checking, Budgeting and Record Keeping, Saving Money, Insurance, Investing, Retirement Planning, and Who Can Help You.   Kudos to AARP for enabling the user to increase or decrease font size while explaining each term in the most basic language.  

MSN Money provides excellent personal tools to calculate income, expenses, and  life-expectancy.  

Smart Money makes suggestions on last-minute retirement planning.  

And if you want professional help with financial planning, you might not want to miss a prior blog.   

Finally, should you run into Bob soon, don't forget to thank him for this information.

Baby Boomers, Preserve Your Memories

Marcia is the Amiable Archivist. She took a 14-week class with me. While I decided to create a website dedicated to the 50-something lifestyle, her interests steered her toward chronicling other person's memories.

Why write down or collect photos about the past?

I can only speak from my own experience: Dad died about 6 years ago. Now mom is moving out of her home of 40 years. Emotions are flooding our senses as we sift through all the remnants of lives once lived. Memories once fresh in our collective minds have faded somewhat. Details are less precise. And contrary to what I perceived my post-50 years to be, my life is not only incredibly busy, it is slipping by.

Marcia's job is to get us to focus on preserving our memories and capture them for our children and grandchildren. She unfolds our stories in digital format. And she's "amiable" too.